Crazy in Love, Crazy Insecure

As a new mom, my day-to-day life is filled with new insecurities. Being a young woman I’m no stranger to insecurity, but this new phase has me wondering whether I’m completely overanalyzing things and being crazy or if this is just another one of those weird “normal” parts of motherhood. Please feel free to enlighten me in the comments.

Lately I find myself actually worrying that my little 8 week old child doesn’t like me. Yes. I, a full grown woman, am wondering whether my tiny infant, who regularly hits himself in the face, likes me.

I know it’s crazy. I mean… objectively. But I can’t help but feel crazy when he fusses until I lay him down in his Pack N’ Play, after which time he is calm and immediately begins cooing and aahing at his red stuffed bird toy. I know it’s nuts to be jealous of the toy, particularly because as I type this I am now once again holding him, being able as I am to provide something delicious that the bird most certainly can not (HA, suck it, bird). And yet the little niggling worry remains, because he doesn’t hold cooing conversations with me (yet) the way he does with that stupid plush cardinal.

IMG_5843

When I admit my jealousy of a Bright Starts toy is when I get concerned for my sanity. Two months in and I’ve already lost my marbles? Is this how it happens? Will my husband come home to find me cackling and rapturously tearing the stuffing out of a baby toy that tweets sweetly when you squeeze it? …. I make no promises.

What I DO know is that this crazy hormonally-charged overpowering love I feel for my child causes me to feel some very weird emotions, unsettling in their intensity. I’m still young, but I already feel entirely justified in blaming that first gray hair, whenever it arrives, on this precious little angel who has no idea that the very fact of his perfect and wonderful existence may just drive his mother to the brink of a happy insanity.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Crazy in Love, Crazy Insecure

  1. I thought all manner of things I knew objectively made no sense. I can’t recall any of the specifics, but I do recall walking myself through the “this doesn’t make sense (but I still can’t help feeling it)” discussion a dozen times a day. With both kids!

  2. Ha ha! I remember thinking my baby doesn’t like me, when he was that age! I still think that sometimes and he’s 8 months old! Ha ha :P He can be so needy at times and then other times it’s like, ‘What evs Mum. Where’s dad?!’ I think it’s safe to say that our bubs love us very much, though :) xx

    • It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one who has had those thoughts. I do also look forward to watching the baby/daddy relationship blossom more. Daddy is much more easygoing than I am, I’m sure baby is going to pick up on that soon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s